When I got home I did the first application then sat down with my laptop and googled whatever the name was.  I cant even remember now, that should tell you how well it worked  lol  What I found was that the medication rarely worked and if it did any new growth would fall out if I stopped using the stuff.  Well it was worth a try, worst case scenario Id have to spend the rest of my life rubbing this stuff into my scalp.  No biggie!!

To make a long story a bit shorter, by the time I went to my next appointment a couple of months later, July I think, still no hair.  Ok she said, we will try another one.   I left there and headed to Safeway to fill my prescription.  Figured I might as well do grocery shopping while it was getting filled rather than just sit and wait.  Id handed it in and went shopping.  Ten minutes later I was paged over the loudspeaker to come to the Pharmacy.  Holy, I thought, that was fast!  HA  I got there and was asked if Id ever used this product before and replied that I hadnt.  She told me that this was a particularly unpleasant product and because of the ingredients was only made at the pharmacy at my doctors office.  Greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!  Back downtown, find another parking spot and get it filled.  That pharmasist informed me that the way this stuff worked was that it aggravates the crap out of the skin, hopefully making the hair folicules kick in again.  Oh I was soooo looking forward to this!! 

The cream was to be put on once a day at bedtime with a warning to wash my hands very well after applying.  So on went the cream, then my little blue sleep cap and off to bed.  Within a couple of days my head was so itchy that I couldnt put anything on it, no hat, scarf or wig, nothing.  A day later Id broken out in a severe rash down the side of my face that was also itchy and sore.  By the end of the first week Id decided that this stuff was not going on my head anymore,  I was in agony.  For at least a month I could not put anything on my head at all without feeling like a herd of mosquitos were having lunch there.  The rash and pain subsided as time went by. 

That was the last treatment I tried and I never went back to the doctor about it.  The more I read online about Alopecia the more I see that my hair will not be back.  Even the few cases where it has returned, its always fallen out again.  I dont need to go through that all over again. 

I think if Id been like many fellow alopecians and lost my hair when I was young, I may have done more to try and get it back.  I cant imagine having to to go school, dating etc all while trying to cope with no hair, eyebrows or lashes!!  Instead I just joined a group who know exactly what Im going through and thank God everyday that Im still alive. 

As Im very good at saying, ITS JUST HAIR!!!

When the hair on my head went I thought “Ok, no big deal, its just hair and I can wear a wig.”  Of course I had the buffer of what Shannon was going thru to help me over that hurdle.  So off came the hair and life goes on. 

The first thing I discovered was man does a bald head ever get cold fast!!  The second was that wigs are not very comfortable and I sure dont want to live in one 24/7!!  Youd think being in the house it would be no different than your hands or your face being exposed but BIG DIFFERENCE!  The scarves that I make were not practical for wearing around the house.  Id also made up some little caps that I call sleep caps, they worked great for just lounging around.  To this day I keep one under my pillow for night time and one in my purse for when Im out and about and the wig gets too hot or uncomfortable.  I had the added pleasure tho of hot flashes so it was a constant battle, hat on, hat off.  And where did I take it off and leave it.  The best solution I found to this problem was going to Walmart and buying a closet full of big baggy comfy mens hoodies!  I live in them now.  I always know where my hat is  LOL  I will never understand tho how men can go outside in the winter with their bald heads uncovered!!  I have also learned, when getting ready to go out, to not put my wig on til the last minute!

For probably the last six months before the first bald spot arrived I had noticed that I had not had to pluck my eyebrows.  Strange but I didnt complain, thought maybe it was part of the menopause thing and hey, it seemed like a good thing  lol  Well about a month after all the stubble was gone from my head I noticed that they were getting very thin, as were my top eyelashes, especially on the left side.  I got a sick feeling in my stomach because I knew what was coming.  I guess Id never thought of the possibility for facial hair going.  Within a couple of weeks my eyebrows and top lashes were gone completely.  That is when I folded up.  A wig can cover a bald head but how do you cover no facial hair???  I closed myself off from everyone, didnt go out of the house,  just hid and cried.  I tried to apply makeup thinking it might help, but had my first AHA moment as Oprah would say.  Eyelashs DO have a purpose.  They stop stuff from going into your eyes.  When I attempted to apply eye shadow ( mine was the powdery stuff) all the little excess dust ended up in my eyes.  So ok THAT didnt work!  When I finally did venture outside it was to spend time with my horses.  I quickly learned that I couldnt go out on windy days and grooming my horses would drive me nuts.  Even in the house my eyes became a magnet for cat hair!!  It was like every bit of dust and debris in the whole world ended up in my eyes.  I started using Murine to clean them out but my optomlogist told me that was not good to use on a daily basis and switched me to a product called Refresh Tears.  It could be used multiple times daily without any ill effects.  Hooray for Refresh, my sanity saver!!  Oh and I also had my first experience with rain in the eye.  LOL  When you have no eyelashes do not look up when its raining!!

So that cover the eyelashes, on to the eyebrows.  First and foremost, they provide some shade for your eyes.  Did you know that??  The second downfall I discovered while horse back riding on a hot day.  In the beginning I was very selfconscious about being seen bald so when I finally went riding again on went the wig, then my hat.  I was terrified that my wig would fly off so wore my hat over top with the string under my chin to hold the hat on.  Sounds reasonable until you get a 80 something degree day!!  The sweat started to pour off my head and lo and behold, no eyebrows to slow it down, no eyelashes to slow it down!  Let me tell you that sweat mixed with sunscreen in the eyes is not a good thing!!  It didnt take long for me to lose the wig!  Now when I ride its with a sweatband on then my straw cowboy hat for protection from the sun.  I can still only ride on calm days, if its windy I spend to much time rubbing sore itchy eyes to enjoy myself.  Ive thought of goggles but jeez can you imagine how THAT would look  LOL  I think those wrap around sunglasses would work but would have to get them made in my prescription as they wouldnt fit overtop of my glasses.

I have always had allergies, all my life but that first late summer to fall they seemed 10 times worse.  Even in the house I was having more trouble than usual.  It seemed like I was always stuffed up and felt like my chest was congested.  It took awhile before it hit me, I HAVE NO NOSE HAIR!!  Another AHA moment!  How many of you even give nose hair a second thought??  Well let me tell you, it has a very very important job  lol  Every little particle of crap floating thru the air goes right on down every time I breath in.  Great!!  Id finally gotten over the fear of anyone seeming be with a bald head and face, now I was trapped in the house if I wanted to be able to breath!  For the first time in my life I was looking forward to snow falling! 

Picture this, me riding down the road on my beautiful horse with a nice big sweat band, big yellow goggles and a face mask!  hahahahaha

The only facial hair I didnt miss was the bit of a mustache that seems to plague the women in my family.  For years I had bleached it or used hair remover on it.  Now, happily that is gone!!  woooohoooo  Always a silver lining!

I have since discovered that there are a multitude of products to fake facial hair!!  Fake tattoos for eyebrows or a powder product that uses a template to afix them.  Ive tried the tattoes and they work just fine.  The powder stuff is supposed to be much better and easy to use but I have yet to find it in Canada.  The tattoos only last a day but thats fine with me.  They are very inexpensive and easy to apply one you get the hang of it,  Practice makes perfect.  You can also buy eyelashes that dont need existing lashes to glue them too.  They also require a bit of practice and the right glue.  I use Blinkies with Duo glue.  You can buy Duo at any Mac store.  Ive also learned to use cream eyeshadow, also from Mac store.  And a liquid eyeliner.  Ive never been a big makeup user so to me this is all a big pain in the butt but for special occassions I will take the time  lol

There is also the option of permanent makeup and brows in the form of a real tattoo.  I had contemplated that but have been told that they fade alot so regular touchups are required.  Sounded to high maintanence for me.

So thats my hair loss experience in the short version.  When I start to feel bad about it, as I occassionally do, I remind myself of the benefits.  No more salon appointments or cost.  Very little makeup cost after the initial investment of brows, lashes and cream shadow.  No more shampoo or conditioner, hairspray,mousse etc,  no more razors or hair removal cream!!  Much less prep time to go out!!  Can do a three minute shower, dress and right out the door  LOL  Never have to worry about bedhead or hathead or bad hair days!!

Ah the blessings of no hair!!!

Now, the topic of wigs!!

When Shannons hair started to go we went shopping for wigs.  Knew of one place that was very very expensive but didnt have much selection so we decided to leave that as a last resort.  Went all over the east side of Winnipeg, nothing.  So we came home empty handed and Shannon, bare headed  lol

A week or so later her sister Tracey was out for a visit and of course they went shopping.  A favorite passtime for those two.  In Polo Park mall they found a salon that also sold wigs!!  That day Shannon came home with a beautiful wig that looked fantastic on her.  Well, that girl would look good in a gunney sack but it really did look good on her and suited her to a T!!  That is the same salon I ended up going to shortly after.

After paying what we did for our new do’s, I wondered what the women did who couldnt afford those prices.  I know CancerCare Manitoba has wigs they lend out but have heard there wasnt a great selection.  I started searching online for wigs and found that they could be imported from China for very very little.  We found one importer who had quite a few that we liked for a very reasonable price so decided to order one and see what it was like.  Two weeks later my 30.00 wig from China arrived.  Again, Id ordered long, couldnt get past the needing long hair  lol  So my long blond and red layered wig was here.  wooohooo  My first impression was of how soft and silky it felt.  I did notice how much hair fell out of it as I combed it out, one of the downfalls.  There was also alot less hair than the expensive ones.  It still looked good tho, so on it went.  The front had to be trimmed a bit to stop it from going in my eyes so out came my scissors.  A couple of minutes later there I was and it actually looked pretty good.  I loved the red streaks!  Then Shannon had to try it on.  WOW  She promptly decided she had to order one of those as well  lol  We decided that the quality was very good for what wed paid and that these wigs would be a very good investment for resale.  We could keep the price low enough for anyone to afford.  Even if they wore out fast, they were still worth the money spent.  So we were going into business!

We each put in 300.00 and sat down to make up our first order.  Each making our own choices with our half of the investment.  Shannon laughed at me for ordering a long straight black wig with wide blue streaks.  I love color, what can I say  LOL  I also ordered a short bob in solid royal blue and some pretty far out red mixes!

Finally our packages arrived brimming with wigs.  We pulled them out one at a time for cataloging, then the fashion show began!!  We both had to try them on of course.  Every one of those wigs looked good on her!!  Only a couple on me  lol  We did notice tho that most of the wigs that Shannon had ordered were long and curly.  After trying on the second one Shannon commented on the fact that shed ordered all curly wigs when she herself spent hours straightening her own naturally curly hair!!!  OH OH  not a good start  lol

Now it was time to take pictures so we could list our new products.  Shannon got all dolled up in her makeup and clothes and we took pictures of every wig and assigned it a number.  That took about 2 hours in total.  I still have all those pictures and will keep them forever. 

Next step was to get them listed.  That took much less time than the pictures did  lol  All that was left to do was to sit and wait for the money to start rolling in.  So, we waited and we waited and we relisted and we waited  lol  We did sell the occassional colored wig.  Actually the very first ones to sell were the blue streaks and the solid blue!!  Go figure!  To make a long story short, I have a rubbermaid box full of wigs, most are long dark and curly!!  Maybe one day curly will come back in style. 

Im not sure what the problem was.  Did people not trust buying wigs online??  Were our styles not to others liking??  Maybe all those women who couldnt afford to buy expensive wigs dont have access to computers either??  Anyway, I have alot of wigs to donate to CancerCare or anyone else who needs them.  My wish is for them to go to someone who really cant afford the ridiculous prices we paid for ours.  Cancer or Alopecia, doesnt matter, as long as they help make someone feel good about themselves. 

I guess that will be my next topic!!  The indignity and embarrassment felt when you lose your “crowning glory”!!

See you tomorrow and thanks for allowing me to share my wig disaster  LOL

Also at this time I was going thru the start of menopause.  Those wonderful hot flashes that make one feel like they are burning up from the head down.  I thought I had lots of mood swings tho Shannon told me they were not to bad.  Either they felt worse than they were or she was just being nice  lol  One thing I really noticed was that I seemed to have no filters for what came out of my mouth.  If my brain thought it, I said it!!  We had lots of laughs over that.

So anyway, shortly after Shannon began her treatments.  She was down for the count for the first two days after her weekly treatment.  Id always be up before anyone else so Id be sitting here in my chair checking email etc when their bedroom door would open and out would come my little man.  Good Morning Grandma hed say.  What beautiful words those are!!  On would go the TV, in no time at all Id learned all about the cartoon characters that 2 year olds loved.  His favs were Dora and Diego.  Id never even heard of them before but I sure got educated fast  lol  I think my TV went into shock, in the past had never been turned on before 1pmish at the earliest!

So time passed, as it does, a world of treatments, trying new healthy recipes, keeping a fan on the table in betweens Shannon and Is chairs for our hot flashes (chemo does that to you) and both laughing about the lack of filters!  haha Gave us an excuse to say anything we wanted!!

Shannon knew her hair was going to go again so she made  a quick trip to the photographer for her last pictures of her and Marcel with her real hair. 

For anyone who has not experienced hair loss from chemo or alopecia, you have noooooooooooooo idea what its like finding all that hair on your pillow in the morning.  Or getting into the shower and finding your hands literally covered in hair when you are shampooing. 

This is when we started the search for something comfy to wear on her head.  We did the google thing and the ebay thing, eventually finding a couple of tie back hats that she liked.  They did the job but werent exactly the prettiest things in the world. 

Sometime at the beginning of November I found a little bald spot on the back of my head, dont remember how, running my fingers thru my hair I guess.  It felt like it was the size of a nickel maybe.  There was so much going on that I really didnt pay much attention to it.  Shortly after that I started to experience the handfuls of hair in the shower thing as well.  The spot was spreading so I figured Id better go to the dr.  LOL Ya think??  So, off I go, knowing deep down inside what they were going to say.  Yup, Alopecia!  Of course they told me I had to see a specialist.  Does everyone know how long it takes to get into a specialist???   Well, this one was 3 months!!  So, they say, just go home and wait for your appointment.  At this time I still had a relatively full head of hair.  The spot had grown to about a twooney size.  So, ok, home I go.  December arrived with all its Christmas hustle and bustle.  I didnt know if this would be our last Christmas with Shannon or not so decided we were going to make it a really good one.  I packed away all my ornaments and decorations and told her to go to town decorating.  Up went the big tree and santas and angels and penguins and reindeer and stockings!!!  And every day, out came more hair!

I started dreading getting into the shower.  I knew that as soon as the water ran, not only would my hands be covered, so would my face and hair slithering down my body.  Id have to rinse hair off my hands before I could reach for the soap.  Every trip to the shower made me want to scream! 

For Christmas all I asked Santa for was a sewing maching.  Now I am not a seamstress.  I had to sew in HomeEc in highschool, and when my kids were little I sewed really easy things, sweats suits and pjs, all from the same very easy pattern.  But, how hard can it be??  Like riding a bike, right??!!  I got my machine, yay, then off to the thrift store for cheap fabric to practice on.  We scoured the internet for free patterns for hats and found a few.  I even bought one set of hat patterns, forgetting of course how to work with them  LOL!!  Eventually I produced a hat!!!   wooohooo  The patterns were a total pain in the butt and the end product looked exactly like the ones Shannon had found on ebay. 

By the end of January Id had enough the hair falling out all over the place and enough of the depressing showers.  It was time to take the plunge and shave off what was left.  I didnt have enough left to hide the bald spots anymore anyway.  First step was going to Marios to find a wig.  Id always wanted long thick hair and only even managed to produce short thin hair so great, heres my opportunity lol  I picked out one short very stylish wig and one long one that of course everyone in the salon told me looked fantastic.  Ok, now I have my replacement, time to get rid of the rest.  I came home and dug out the clippers.  A few minutes later I looked in the mirror and saw what appeared to be a dalmation pattern  lol  There were many many more spots than Id thought.  More bald than hair actually, but still some stubble.

Having it gone was very very freeing!!  Yay, no more handfuls of hair!!  Im sure if this had happened to me at any other time, I would have been devastated.  At that point in my life tho two thoughts came to mind. 

1.  How could I possibly whine and cry over being bald when Shannon wasnt??  I was going to live, alopecia doesnt kill you.  Cancer does!!

2.  I had something to share with Shannon that no one else had. (besides the fan  lol)

Oh and that long wig that everyone in the salon told me looked great?  Looked like crap!!  I got home and put it on to show off to Shannon.  I took one look in the mirror and thought “what the H was I thinking???”  It went back into the box and sat on the shelf until not to long ago.

And for any of you who have never shopped for wigs, they are crazy expensive!!!  I will get into that whole story another day as I work myself up to the present.

This blog is my story about losing my hair and life as a bald woman.